We often associate heroes and champions with the publicized results that we see. But the truth is, is that it is the individual journey that brings out the hero and champion that already resides within us all.
You know, for the past five years, my writing has taken a turn for the worse. It was as if my heathenistic lifestyle inspired genius creativity and wittiness in my day to day journals one upon a long time ago. It was like I was so much more interesting back then… I had a very large Myspace audience -an audience that waited patiently for the next juicy titillating bad girl blog.
Wittiness eludes me. I have almost nothing to say. A severe case of writers block and all I want to do is slam my head against a brick wall.
and over again.
So what happened to me? Good question. I ask myself this daily, nightly, weekly… every time January rolls around. I feel as if I have lost myself -lost my identity, although I know I have not. I made so much more sense as a ‘bad girl’, I guess. I was good at it. A friend of mine nicknamed me ‘Show Girl’, and all for good reasons that I won’t speak about here…
Life happened. I grew up.
Jesus found me in an emotional gutter after a seriously cracked out homicidal life-wreck. It was for the best and I was turned completely right side out.
But for some reason… I haven’t found my voice. It’s probably because I am searching for a voice that no longer belongs to me, but I am still searching nonetheless. I feel like I have tons to say, and naturally I do. But it’s like a barrier has damned up my heart and nothing comes out.
Why? I know why. I’ve always known why.
I sit here at my desk. A mess. Inside out. Searching. Hunting.
I remember when I was invincible.
I know who I am. I know who I belong too. But I am still here…
I have a story to tell, and this is the year that I tell it.
Life has happened.
Life has been happening.
My life has been sideways & upside down. Sometimes in circles.
Pray for us.
Pray for me.
Pray that I am smarter than I think I am.
Pray that I drop the mask and hang selfish on the cross.
Every moment counts.
And I am so tired.
Meet Viper, rloves pet Python. Yeah, I know. (Taken with instagram)
So, it was 70+ degrees out today. It was beautiful. It snowed like 3 times all winter -uber fail. I wouldn’t be shocked if it decided to snow in April, or may, or June.
At least it seems like we’re actually getting a Spring.